Treat You Better

I sat on my bed after trying to relax in the bathtub. Several days of terrible sleep, aches in my hip, knees, and ankles told me that I probably needed to eat a slice of humble pie and start using the shoe inserts that my husband got my for Christmas. I drug my eyes up to look at my reflection. A good hard look.

I asked my body, "Why aren't you giving me what I want?" I felt down about how little progress was showing. I was working out more consistently than I ever had since Paxton was born. I was eating better, and smaller portions often. And yet, staring back at me, I was frustrated. For all my efforts my clothes seemed unforgiving, along with the scale.

I kept looking.

And then, my body replied with it's own question... "Why aren't you giving me what I want?" A wave of emotion swept over me as all the ways I was discrediting my body filled me. All the amazing things my body could do and I was so focused on the one thing it wasn't doing. I stepped back and wondered if this was in the context of a workplace scenario if I wouldn't be asking the same questions to my boss. "What do you mean, 'not giving you what you want?'" "Isn't it enough that I'm keeping this business organized? I'm making sure all the vital areas continue functioning! I pay the bills so the lights don't get shut off. I regulate and distribute payroll fairly. I plan and provide enrichment activities for the employees. What else can I give you?"

Tears.

I was overwhelmed realizing that my body is doing everything I need it to. My brain keeps me organized so I can complete all of my tasks, even through all my ups and downs of nutrition. Blood delivers organs vital nutrients so my body can perform the tasks I enjoy like shopping, reading, and spending time with Paxton. I am able to run and play, but all this possibility gets overshadowed by the small task that lies undone. Miserable because the  numbers on the scale and on the tags of my clothes aren't what I think they should be.


Health is important, and I hope to get the baby weight off eventually, but looking in the mirror-- realizing how forgiving my body has been with me, I truly realize that there's more to life. In the waves of anxiety that now plagues me, I haven't given credit where it was due. I tried to think of the last time I praised my body. This body. Not a former version of it, but the one I currently live in?



So what can my body do?
It bore a child. It lifts that child and carries him daily.


It hugs those in need. It receives love, and is open to help to comfort me through heartbreaks.


It keeps ahead of my anxiety and sends signals before I crash.


It wears clothes! Clothes wouldn't be great if no one ever wore them.


It houses my spirit and all the essences of who I am. This body is great.
Our bodies deserve better.


For our health. For our families. For our children. For ourselves.

Looking forward to that illustrious day when happiness will radiate in our being fully with everything perfectly in place is the journey not the destination. My favorite quote wraps up this post in what should be the goal each and every day of life. Thanks for reading...

Dare to Live

I grew up in unique family circumstances, as I've mentioned before, but my little brother means a lot to me. I feel like, in many ways, he has always been the one teaching me.

From an early age Devin has always loved being in the limelight, while I myself am much more comfortable out of it. We all have memories of him on stage either in talent shows, stealing the dance floor at weddings, performing in several just-right-for-him roles in school musicals, and ever entertaining us with his over abundance of personality. He dreams, and he dreams big. Seeing his successes inspires me to chase my own.

Today, however, he reached out to me feeling down and depressed about his future. As we talked I mentioned that life is an uphill battle, something like a rollercoaster that we just hang on for dear life and enjoy the tickling feeling we get in our bellies when good things happen. I gave a monologue on having to fight for things because the universe doesn't believe in just handing things out for good behavior.I pitched suggestions to solve his dilemma, but have now come up with some food for thought.

Where is the line? Where is line between doing what you have to do and chasing dreams? Who decides where that line is?

When I was growing up I used to tell my grandparents, "What does it matter what I major in? I just want to be a mom anyway." Here I am, several years later, fulfilling that dream. However, it was harder than I thought. Making that transition to staying at home took more faith, patience, love, courage, and selflessness than I ever thought it wold. And I think maybe that's what dreaming is. No pursuit of any dream I've ever heard of has been easy. At least, none of mine have ever been. And in many cases, they don't pan out the way we would hope... but I think there's beauty in that.

Yes, dream big. Dream in the long term. But don't live your life awaiting that day when everything will get easier, and sunnier. Live in the now. I wish I had a way of explaining that to a teenager so that it stuck. Because achieving your dreams, it doesn't necessarily mean that you've, "arrived" as the saying goes. As long as the Earth continues to turn on this axis each life will have it's own failures and glory.

So Devin, maybe you're not the smartest kid in the classroom, but you are the most talented. Run with that.

Give Goodness

Happy New Year!

With another year come and gone I spent a lot of time the past few days pondering on what I wanted to accomplish in 2017-- my new year's resolution, if you will. This past year, 2016, was a doozy for a lot of people, and in our lives it was no different. In fact, it was so crazy I feel like I missed it. From January to March we spent time house hunting on a deadline as I got increasingly pregnant. April was filled with the stress of settling into our new home, welcoming a dog into our tiny family, and getting through the tail end of my third trimester. Summer was exciting while we brought Paxton home, and adjusted to being parents. By the time I was finally feeling like myself again from my unexpected c-section it was time to think about Halloween, and then the snowball effect happened-- it was Thanksgiving, and then Christmas and boom! here we are in January.

Through all of the excitement there were treasured moments that helped me grow in faith, as a person, and in perspective. For example I have a new appreciation for my husband this year. Watching him be a father-- a truly great father, has changed everything I feel about him. He's amazing! I began my senior year of college with a graduation date set in May of 2017. And at the tail end of this year, a breath apart, we celebrated Pop's 90th birthday, and lost Grandma Seamons after a brave uphill fight.

So, as I thought about what I needed to do in 2017, I felt empowered to choose something that I would constantly be thinking about. Something that I wouldn't be fickle with and forget in a week, or by the end of the month like I think we are all guilty of having happen once or twice in a lifetime.

This year, in honor of Jeanette Seamons and of Sloane LeMonte, I want to Give Goodness. I want to put it back into the world. If we get back what we put into the world, I think there could always be a little more goodness. So for this year when you see my #GiveGoodness2017 I'm taking another step on my journey to thread goodness into the world.

#GiveGoodness2017 because it's a good life.