Before I get into things let me start with this, there is a reason you have parents, friends, and a bridal party. All those who elope don't need those things because a lot of what I'm going to go over doesn't pertain to ceremonies that are so wonderfully intimate and only involve you and your loved one. However, as I mentioned above, if you are not eloping, you have people for a reason. And not just for any reason, but because they have been through it. I asked questions and I asked them a lot! Thankfully, I'm towards the bottom of my siblings list so I had others that have gone through it before, and I have some great friends. They covered a lot of basics for me (some of those tips I'll be including!), but there are a few things I was not prepared for, even if I may have been warned. I'm not talking about the obvious things like peeing facing the toilet (don't sweat, it's not as hard as it seems. Just make sure you have a bridesmaid with you), but what you do to keep your veil from getting ripped out of your head, etc. So, I'll add my voice to all the others who have their own opinions with this list...
The Dirty 30 Things Nobody Tells You...
1.) J Lo Said it Best... Did you ever watch Monster in Law? No? You have to go watch it, now, if you haven't seen it yet and are engaged! She says, "I'm making the dress to fit me, not me to fit the dress." Too-true, Jenny from the Block! Buy the dress in the size you are when you go into the boutique! & don't starve yourself thinking you're going to be Kate Hudson in 2 months. You're going to have enough to stress about, you'll be glad fitting into your dress isn't one of them.
2.) Comfortable... You are wearing the dress that is going to be in the pictures everyone looks at for all eternity. The ones you show your kids when they bring their future spouses around. By that time our styles will be way out of fashion... I still have trouble wrapping my mind around that. Make sure you're comfortable in the dress! I tried on several and almost went with one everybody else loved because they thought I looked so nice in it. Keep going until you find one you're comfortable in (& yes, crying when you find, "the dress" can be a thing, but don't think you haven't found it if you don't cry.). You're getting married and you're going to look your most beautiful, but you still want to feel like yourself on the inside. Choose something that reflects your personality!
3.) Buy to Size!... Your wedding dress size will probably be a larger size than you actually wear. Or several sizes larger. It's okay, don't panic! & like we talked about with J Lo, don't buy a size smaller. You will get over the hit your pride may take when you find the perfect dress and have to order it in what feels like a size HUGE, because it is well worth the trade of ordering a dress a size smaller and having it NOT fit. Remember-- You are trying on samples that have been stretched and worn-in. Yours will be brand new!
4.) Nerves... I didn't starve myself before my wedding & I do not regret it at all. I stayed right where I was and I'm so grateful for it. There's enough to stress about, you should still enjoy your life. Remember you have to go back to reality after this big day. So your nerves tie into this because as the big day gets closer your anxiety is going to sink in. If you're busy existing off of air when it hits you will puke. That's not attractive. (Tip!: If you're worried about food upsetting your stomach BECAUSE of nerves try natural flavored water. Check my favorites at the bottom of Part II of this post!)
5.) Weight gain... You're going to hold weight if you're stressing. Even if you are just eating salads, you will still hold weight when you're stressed. Don't panic! It will only make the situation worse. When I went to my last fitting my dress was the snuggest it had EVER! been and I had lost weight. Do Not Panic! Breathe and continue to eat normally. The stress will make you hold on to some weight, but it will go down as the big events happen i.e. rehearsal dinner, ceremony, etc. You probably won't even notice you're carrying it. (Tips: Check out Part II for those flavored water recipes and HEALTHY ways to keep water weight at bay.)
6.) Your Shoes Make a Difference... Incase no one told you, your shoes make a difference. 9/10 brides have to go to an alterationist. It's not like buying a pair of jeans. You don't just pick up your size and walk out the door. It has to be tailored exactly to your body and fit. Because of this, you need to pick your shoes before you go see your alterationist. I switched my shoes halfway through on sweet Pam McBride from Sophisticated Fit in Wilmington on Philadelphia Pike and I thought she was going to kill me. I changed my shoes halfway through. Thankfully! it worked out. Phew!
See what I did there? Much less expensive than a dress change. Much more comfortable too. Phew!
Ok, where were we...
7.) Make sure you can sit... self explanatory. If you can't sit, you can't breathe or dance or eat or smile and you will end up with some AWKWARD picture faces. Nobody wants RBF in their wedding photos.
8.) Bustle, Bustle, Bustle... I didn't know this was SUCH! a big deal, however, your bustle will be your new best friend. Move over MOH! hello french bustle, hook bustle, fishtail, whatever you go with! it will literally save your life and your dress. Ben and I had a ceremony which was private, a ring ceremony, and then a reception. For the ring ceremony and reception I had my dress bustled in 6 points and it was fantastic. I know you bought your dress because it has a beautiful train, but save your dresses feelings. It's so much easier to move.
9.)Tuck yo Veil!... Everyone will want to hug you and love on you. It's amazing to feel so much support!! However, if you're choosing to wear a veil, this could be bad news bears. SO! to avoid your beautiful tulle getting ripped out of your head tuck it over your arm when hugging people. When you're taking pictures or walking with your sweetheart, make sure his arm is UNDER the veil so it doesn't pull.
10.) Two Word: Lip Stain... Your fiance is thanking me already. I recommend Sephora lip stain. It added some color without looking unnatural and also without coming off on hubby's lips.
11.) Cut-Away-Shirt... Yeah, you see all the cute tshirts that say, "Bride!" and want to wear them, but don't forget it has to go over your head... I wore one of Ben's shirts and had my Mister (Mom-Sister) cut it off so it was memorable!
12.) Extra Underwear... Especially for my Spring/Summer wedding ladies, bring extra underwear... it sounds weird, but if you're having a long day and you're going to be sweating and it's hot, you're going to want something clean to change into before you leave your reception, or even between your ceremony & reception. Just trust me.
13.) Dinner... Everyone will interrupt you during dinner. It's like a weird compulsion they can't help. For the most part they will keep it short and sweet, but remember you will have to be getting up and sitting down in that dress. Be careful your skirt doesn't get caught under the chair legs.
14.) Tardiness... Someone will be late, I promise! Pray and hope it's not your families (that happened to us), but someone will be late. I think I put the fear of God into our bridal party about being tardy so they were good about it for the most part. When someone is late just breathe.
15.) Outside Wedding?.. get 2 boutonnieres for your man. If you are going to be spending a lot of time outside, especially during warm months, get 2 boutonnieres because a wilty groom flower is not what you want in pictures. If your flowers start to wilt, just leave them off in the remainder of your photos.
16.) Wedding License... I got my wedding license right away, but depending on what county you are married in, and what country for that matter, you may not get it right away-- they'll mail it to you. So a.) make sure they have the right address, and b.) if you are getting it right away delegate that to a dad so that they don't lose it. Also note that they may take several weeks to get in. Don't Wait to the Last Second!
17.) Name Change... You can't change your name right away... I thought I would be really on the ball and have it all set for being changed the moment I said, "I do," however, you have to wait until you have your marriage certificate to send in to the social security office and blah blah blah... so... as far as many institutions are concerned a month later, I'm still Tritt, not Wendt.
18.) Decisive... Everyone will expect you to know exactly what you want about everything. Your florist, baker, bridesmaids, etc. I got really overwhelmed and Ben and I sat down together and sketched out the details about what we wanted and loosened the reins for creative discretion. I do not regret it. You don't need to micromanage everything. Be sure and firm about the things you are firm about (I wanted orange in my bouquet), but be flexible if it's not a big deal. It will save you time, money, and stress.
19.) Dance Party! ... You will dance with your guests way more than you dance with your spouse. Don't worry, you know who you're going home with.
20.) Thank you Cards!... Nobody told me how many thank you cards I was going to need. There's your vendors, your family, your bridal party, bridal shower, wedding gifts, wedding gifts that come from great aunt Susie who can't make it, etc. I bought 100 thank you cards and used misc. ones for my little things. So, all-in-all I think we have worked on 250 thank you cards.
21.) Traveling Guests... No matter what time of the year your wedding is people will not be able to attend. Especially your far away guests. One of my best friends could not come because she was in Utah and another in Colorado, which was devastating for me, but ultimately didn't change that I was getting married. Plan couples vacations together (that's what I'm doing! #soexcited), and don't take it personally. Remember they love you, but they have commitments and things they can't get away from and long distance travels are pricey. Thank those that did travel, but be understanding to those that can't.
22.) Cake & Eat it too?... No, unfortunately, this is probably not going to be one of those days where you have your cake and eat it too. So, that moment when everyone is watching you smoosh sugar into your pores, you should enjoy that bite because you probably won't get another one. Instead of keeping it for a year in the freezer where I hear it gets very nasty, have a mom or a dad or a bridesmaid take it home and eat it after the honeymoon with your favorite beverage!!
23.) Exhaustion... You will be exhausted... no trust me. So, please, when you plan your honeymoon, don't plan on flying out that night, or traveling that night or early the next morning. It's a long, exciting, joyful and emotional day. Travel later. We did a mini stay at a local hotel and then left the week after for our honeymoon. I would NOT change that.
24.) SURPRISE!... Surprises happen. Some good and some bad. Like I've said before, just roll with them. You can't control all the details or you'll go mad. One of my biggest surprises the day of my wedding was my bouquet. It was gorgeous!! And I would do it as a surprise all over again.
25.) Ring Sizing... Be careful when getting your wedding band. Some people don't have any problems with this, but I did. Ben got me 2 wedding bands, one to go below, and one to go above my engagement ring. I had them resized twice because they didn't fit comfortably. My bands are a 1/4 size BIGGER than my engagement ring. Talk with your jeweler but always go with what is comfortable for you. (Shout out to Jess from Kay jewelers in Christiana Mall!)
26.) Thank You... Thank your fiance. He is going to be supporting you and standing up for you to his family, his groomsmen, your family and friends. He'll be asking people to do things for you he doesn't even understand. He'll be helping you stay sane and express things you don't know how or are too frustrated to say. He loves you. In the chaos of wedding planning don't forget that.
27.) 0%.... For the most part boys no NOTHING about weddings or wedding planning. Even if they've been in them, they probably still don't know very much about planning one. So, be patient and remember that while you've been dreaming of this, the wedding day your whole life, he's been excited to have a permanent partner in crime to adventure with through life.
28.) Gifts... Use your registry and encourage people to stick with it. However, be prepared that no matter how hard you push your list you will end up with items you don't want, need, or have room for. Thankfully, most people include gift receipts.
29.) "No"... This 2 letter word and polite variations should be at the top of your vocabulary list. Everyone, with the best intentions in mind, will have plans on how the day will go. In order to keep things flowing make sure you can say, "That's a neat idea, but not really what we were going for,", "You're so creative and we would love your help with (insert something YOU want)." Thankfully I had a great team and only had to referee a few times, but everyone is trying to get you in a solid direction so they can complete what you've asked them to do. Know how to get them there.
30.) In-Laws... Your families will disagree and it's okay. Both sides have been dreaming of this day for years! and they, most likely, haven't been planning the details together. It's going to take some collaboration on both ends. Knowing the direction you want to go in is essential.
I promise the planning is the most stressful part. The wedding day goes by really fast, so enjoy it and don't think this stressful year or few months is what the rest of your life is going to look like. It gets better! And at the end of the night, the important part is that you end up with your sweetheart!
Love, Kate!
STAY TUNED! Part II is coming up!
