Today it was chill-- as it usually is in the mid-atlantic during winter. My best friend spent the night and we took lots of time to laugh and ponder about life and what the future might hold for each of us. Of course, as much as we think we know right now, we've both lived enough to understand that one 24 hour period can change everything.
I often entertain the idea of moving somewhere else and getting away. Each time I get away it's a relief, but then I have to come back. With each of these momentary escapes I find a little bit more of myself. I think I find the same part of myself... yeah... that feels right... I find the same part of myself. It's like spending time with a good friend. I get to know this part of me I don't see very often and it's like catching up with a pal. Someone you've known forever because, I guess, in all respects, I have.
After Hazel left I took time to get ahead of my school work. I'm taking classes online along with my full-time job, for those of you that don't know. It's a lot sometimes, but I love it.. I guess. It keeps me busy enough. I got dressed up and got in my car. I really wasn't too sure where I was headed. I thought I would go do something girly and maybe get a manicure or find some new clothes. Twenty minutes later I was parked in a cozy part of Maryland enjoying a quiet canal-side town that had just the right amount of people.
It was quiet. Birds were singing in the background almost making you trick yourself into thinking you could leave your hands out of your pockets. I poked in a few shops and had pleasant chats with the older ladies that were working there. A lot of me envied them for the casual rhythm their life follows. After picking up a trinket or two from local artisans at Firefly, I swung by the Bohemia Cafe and got a sticky bun to go. Something about that right on the corner, walled with windows, same 2 waitresses every time, place keeps me coming back. I dropped my new treasures off in Dallas (that's my car, incase you forgot) and walked my happy self to the picnic tables by the water and ate my cinnamon roll.. with my fingers. It was such a sensation with my frozen fingers touching the dough covered in the cinnamon mixture instantly getting scorched.
A blended family stopped by the pier and took a picture together before walking back to their car. I followed suit quickly, but not before stopping in the General Store. I poked around and bought a bottle of water to wash everything of the experience down. I was only a few steps out the door, when the perfume I tested on myself in the store kept hitting me like waves on the beach. The pressure from the waves turned me around and I ended up getting the perfume, as well.
When I got back in my car I noticed how much it smelled like a brand new car all over again. I kept my sunglasses off as I drove to see things in better color. The grocery store was my last stop to get things ready for dinner.
Once I was back at my parents I got to work on dinner. Chicken cooking, pasta simmering, sauce coming together, and a double layer chocolate cake frosted and I think things went well. As lovely as dinner was, I'm still struggling to call it all home. With so much warmth coming from everywhere else-- with belonging oozing out of corners of everyplace else, it feels uncomfortable. However, I'm grateful I'm continuing to find places of warmth, especially during the winter. That's been a big blessing to me.
But I think something big that I'm learning is that, "home" doesn't necessarily have to be the place where you grew up. I learned that when I went away to Raleigh, and Spokane, and each time I leave I am reminded that home can be anywhere you're growing. Oliver Wendell Holmes said it right when he said, "Where we love is home-- home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts."
I'm sure I'll catch plenty of grief for this. Questions about why here isn't good enough, and how much I don't know about life because I'm only 21. Advice from everyone telling me that it'll get better, to hang in there, and so on. But, to put it simply, "I'm a damsel. I'm in distress. I can handle this. Have a nice day." (If you get that reference, you should have a smile on your face the size of Texas.)
From my Mind to Yours,
Kate
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