Dear Dad...

Dear You,

            I am writing this letter because I want you to know that I forgive you and also that I’m grateful for the role you played in my life. There have been times that I thought my life was empty because it didn’t have you in it. I blamed myself and a lot of other people that you weren’t there for me. I blamed myself the longest and the hardest. But I’ve come to a point where I forgive you, and where I can also say, “thank you,” for not showing up.

            Thank you for missing my soccer games, dance recitals, and my high school graduation. When I looked in the bleachers and saw my grandparents, my mom, and my little brother at my soccer game it made it even sweeter that they were there. At my dance recital I’ll never forget that my uncle Billy was there with flowers. During my high school graduation my uncle Brent and aunt Kelly were there, of course with mommy and nanny and poppy and Devin.

            Thank you for not being there while I was dating. Because you were gone I knew what was important to look for in a husband. I’m really grateful to have someone by my side that will be there for my son as he grows up to show him what a father looks like in action.

            In some ways, maybe I did miss out on things. But as I look back now, your absence made me more aware of the love I do have surrounding me. I don’t feel like I missed out. I think you did. And as I prepare to become a mom, graduate from college, and buy my first home I am so excited to cherish my loved ones being there with me for all of it. Thank you, dad, for helping me understand how important family and fr-amily (friends that are family) really are.

            I hope that whatever your life is filled with that it has brought you happiness over the years and true joy, because I have that and it’s truly priceless. As my son grows inside me each day I think about you and I wonder where you are and what you’re doing. But as I look around at the love surrounding me I realize that maybe, just this once, it was better that you weren’t there in my life.

            Thank you for helping to bring me into this world. Thank you for taking the time to be in my life when you were. Thank you mostly for leaving because I learned so much about myself on this journey. I’m sure if we passed each other you would have no trouble recognizing me—I look just like my mother. I could probably pass you without knowing, but I hope if you do see me that you don’t feel regret or guilt but that you are proud of the way I ended up, because I’m proud of the person I am. And in my mind we would wave to each other as friendly strangers and life will go on and we can both feel peace in the knowledge that we did right by each other.

            I don’t hate you, Dad. In fact, I love you. But thank you for not being there. I’m a better person because of it.

Love,

Me